Mindful Manipulation

Hey There;

In a recent blog post, I shared some of the things which can happen when you start to walk the talk so to speak. I spoke briefly about how certain changes within you, will cause you to possibly change who you spend time with. Some things, truly become intolerable. Enough so that you may simply want to spend your energy elsewhere.

I may have mentioned that the people you care to surround yourself with may change. This is unfortunately sometimes realized too late. One thing to maybe prepare your own self for, if you too are experiencing such changes. Would be how you handle your anger, and what you say during an argument. For me, I absolutely can not tolerate (as of yet) language which is accusatory, emotionally manipulative, let alone games like the whole gaslighting, or any of those sneaky ways of manipulating a situation to your own advantage- by disregarding someone else’s place in it.

Maybe I am at a certain point in my growth, that I just haven’t learned to love through those things which I “can not tolerate” as of yet. Especially if my heart is racing or some tears pop up. Incidentally, I also am working on not getting really angry at myself if I do happen to cry about something. But that is a different story. 🙂

One of my difficulties right now, is accepting that other people may be in different places in their own healing and growth and if I am seeing or rather hearing this type of language- that I need to be able to let them have their growing time. Doesn’t mean I can’t say, hey, this is what I am hearing so I need to extricate myself from the conversation for just a bit. For real. If you are trying not to drink perse’ you aren’t going to go out to hang at a bar- and work on “not drinking.” ( in general-)

I think when situations like these arise, it is important to be able to set some boundaries. Maybe they do not need to be spelled out to anyone else, but it could simply give your own self, a way out, or peace of mind. When you do have to say, okay, I’ll talk to you some other time. Even if a few years go by. It is okay to set boundaries like that, and be able to do so without sounding passive aggressive or condescending as well.

For instance: Say you are angry and just in an argument, they happen, it’s life. Pretty soon, your words will be different, then say, they person with whom you are angry with. Whether they too practice mindfulness or whatever they do too. Not only will the words you chose to speak, change, but “how” you get your point across.

Your words will not accuse, they will not insult in any way, they will neither place blame nor guilt. It will become important to say, – hey, this is what I am thinking about. and planning to work on, because I felt a lot of hurt, in “this” instance.”

As opposed to, “you make/made me feel, I felt this way “because you said”…. when you said, maybe you didn’t mean to, but “you” really hurt me……

See the difference between the two? I tried to catch some of the places or words which cause the whole thing to sound aggressive or whiney, or whatever way is used “to solicit/or otherwise cause” a change in someone else BEFORE or as opposed to, yourself.

For me, I am tired of the fight a little bit, especially from people or situations in which you thought/think going in- before hand- “that you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Which is exactly the answer on how to grow, and not feel the same hurts and be able to move passed it. Like I do/am. The above paragraph has the key- the where ” I ” went wrong. Did you catch it when you read it? As I typed it, I caught it. And as I finished typing the sentence, I am saying out loud, “ohhhhhhh, cute-Kerry- gotta love this stuff…” literally.

If you didn’t catch it. As soon as I typed the phrase, ” I thought…” Those words created the expectation which set the scene for the hurt. There are situations in which certain expectations are anticipated and “expected” to be around. Granted. However, when you get upset, angry, hurt feelings, whatever it is. It is possible to help yourself feel better right away. And not leave the feel better healing part dependent on someone else’s actions or words. That is the important part. That is where you can actively participate in your own healing.

That would be where you find yourself, the part that can actually create a change in your life immediately, is located. Right inside there. The ” I ” in, mInd ful ness. 🙂

Thank you so much for the read!

K~