Mindful Manipulation

Found another “I”. If someone intends to truly work on who they are as a person, an I, a “me” is the main topic. There aren’t too many other words to use to refer to the “person” which is a self. I- am “mind-fully manipulating” the way I think. So the manipulation is of the self, my mind. {Okay I have a headache too now. lol}

With that in mind, {see what I did there? lol} I discovered another I which I believe can influence intention. This is present in the word anxiety and if you are under severe anxiety due to whatever reason, it can affect the way you think, thus decisions made.

For example, my anxiety sky rocketed when my husband passed away almost one exact year ago. October 25th, 2021. Had no idea the length of time I functioned in a fog of shock and grief. It absolutely affected my entire life. Steeped in grief and depression, being in shock but moving around and talking to people. Yet having no clue what was going on inside was debilitating. Physically and mentally.

I remember coming home from work one night, {I had been forced to get a job immediately, because all my husbands benefits were taken away and I am still fighting to figure out why- fyi-} after taking my pup to go outside, I just sat down and stared into space. It was almost as if I had blocked out any feelings because of the shock. Maybe even the grief. I had to find a way to do what I needed to even though I truly didn’t want to.

Then I took a different job, going back to my original profession of cleaning. And this place the environment was actually traumatizing. I needed therapy and still I use my intention, actively participating in rerouting, anxiousness and automatic responses learned through such awful experiences of discrimination. And it wasn’t sexual at all it was age and health issue related. Even grief related creation of hostile working environments to being reprimanded for experiencing heat exhaustion. I should have gone to the hospital and they should have helped not get angry. These experiences are still in the back of my mind, and doing their own manipulations. Realizing this, I am focusing and taking action to change things.

I created a web site for others with this issue in hopes of producing accountability for myself, and show others struggling what things I am doing, to accomplish a mindful manipulation. Participating. The website is called anxietycleanse.com. There is another blog attached to it specifically about anxiety. This post, is part of my own journey to cleanse out my anxieties. That blog is but the activity is-a- mindful manipulation. 🙂 Another ” I ” of intent. With an inner “eye” focused on an intention to heal.

Remember that story, Aiwass of Pasquaney Bay? Well, in December of 2020, of course covid was rampant but my husband also experienced the stroke which eventually took his life. I became so focused on taking care of him, that I kept rewriting the story and letting it sit because I just couldn’t think straight. It was bothering me as well. It just wasn’t developing into the story I wanted to write. However, the more I work to release the anxiety and get back to being able to feel again, the more Aiwass is whispering and the words are flowing.

This post will be pasted to the other blog which you are welcome to visit. Everything is a work in progress., but it is being updated regularly.

I thank you for the read!

K~